Jungle Man

I was at whole food picking up birthday baloons for dinner when i hear man over shoulder say "well i'll be a monkey uncle"

a monkey uncle? in my store? you wont beleieve how jacked off and humilated i felt...this ape had to go down hard. so i go up to bigfoot and say "hmmmmmmmm so if your uncle is monkey, then i curious why are coming around to restaurant only of human? i seen what happen when dunston check in, and it not all sunshine castles and candylands. there trees outside...im sure there are plenty of banaanas to pick in there"

just being kind and giving him chance to go back to jungle. but monkeyman seemed not ready for what was about to happen next, he go "what did you say? i cant understand anything youre saying". oh course he can't! monkey have own forest language, and cant understand complexity of street tough like me. maybe he'll understand language of fists better. so i sock him in the jaw, then take out box of nails and start hammering nails into his body. why did i do that? Because he was jerkin me around, and thought i was just out on the town just goin for a stroll. only weak men take stroll: im out in that town with a mission. i have that hammer and nail ready to go at all times in case of these type of nickenpoops. he tested me, and well guess what that wasnt such very good idea now was it Jungle Man.

 I cooked Jungle Man for dinner....he taste pretty goood but i still like the balloons better.

Life Meaning

I get a question it seem every other week that go like:

"Cobrae, how do you view life of ultimate meaning? is life being in simalarity to big Kurt Angle Day parade, or more of like long line for completion of personal wet bathroom business?."

Once in awhile i answer question, but most of the time i never speak to that person again. It about honor, dedication, and sometime life can be like one big yankee game where life and honor are the ball in infinite game of yankeeman catch. So i get a vision one day from Danny Glover where he come down and blow gaint loud foghorn and then i cover my ear because of it being too loud. He sit down in my bedroom while we discuss plans for my future, and what even a future is becuase i consider him for being biggest influence in ruthless pursuit of Transfer Sequence and of how to capture woman for extended stay in labratory.

So as i opening cold can of tomato soup he get big idea like "oh yea, i undersawand life and how it means"
So he write down blueprint of life, featuring equations and question mark and number anywhere from 1 to 11. i so amazed that i do big uppercut into his chin and do 3 or 4 cannonball backflips before reaching the ground. he didnt like that, so like angry genie he juyst leave his blueprint on table and forever maybe it go unfinished.

well long story short i black out and complete blueprints in my sleep or something and then i come to and well so here they are, here it is: the meaning of life meaning.....

Life Print Level 1:

Here you see the basics of life. Humprey's Corner, Dumbledore Casle, Nosy Greta's Baby Tamborine Land, all the type of thing you learn in basic school lesson. Within all the major system is contained LIFE, which stand for Landing In Freeform Endless. Just kidding, it obvious it dont stand for any thing. That was a test, and you get check minus!

 As you related to previous lesson abouts curvy loop, your life and in fact all life is contain inside globe within other skinny curvy that barely defined within outer limit of Danny Glover jurisdiction. He cant help you any more, and you will be forced to find other jungle man who has been in movie. From here out we know that all perception of knowledge truly end in Nosy Greta's Baby Tamborine Land (for example: why nosy greta so nosy? would be nosy to ask such question, turnig you into a little nosy greta yourself!). Here on you will have to continue without knowledge of other knowledge, a task whicvh make you much like Hellen Keller in juggling competition, or Anne Frank playing big game of hide and go peek. Do you feel hopeless yet? I hope so. That just your brain submitting to larger more meaningful brain. But we just getting started. How do you figure you go entire life without learning about beyond entirety? Without learning (7)zbark? Ridiculous!! Almost laugable at attempt by subnoble creature to obtain Gold Globe without understanding of how it relate to Larger Systems. Moving on...

Life Print Level 2 (Larger Systems):

Now we begin to explore larger 4D sysytems, where meaning is create by interaction of curvy loop, PURE ENERGY, Duncan Hoop, and from there lathered and shaved into proper form for Horsechop 5. Of course, all of larger systems are false math equation, one big ruse.....a set up for Horsechop to steal all of top signal gravy and convert it into pure heartsmoke d/04. This is known as The Great Horse Conspiracy, and I can't stop talking about it. Decoy Universe you plainly see in center is actually perfect heartsmoke crystal, and while geometricly perfect, you must not fall for back room pony prank! What you need do is create false perimeter using junc1 and junc 2, then all Duncan will have to work with is unmanagable0!...this will no doubt bring Horsechop to a halt and bring shame onto whole steed and donkey family . you have now only curvy loop of PURE ENERGY which create infinite substrate of Meaning (after all, that what brought you here in the first place, do i lie?).

 How to transcend infinity you ask? Wouldnt life be over before finding meaing you ask? When do I get to go to bathroom you ask? Remember, this is timeless system, so if concentrate hard enough, you can pass through infinity an infinity amount of times before infinity even begin. Now you have find meaning of life before even finding meaning of life, a 4D shortcut that buff up meaningless 3D body into true Life Champion. Do you undersawand why you run life like giant curvy loop? why baby is born and poppy get soggy in his shorts? before and after have no meaning in 4D circle parade, but what about meaning of meaning of life.....why come all this way? Meaning of Life can be found between toenail, in backround code of any Jumanji movie, and is kiddy dingles compared to what i about to demonstate. Here where things start to get complicated, and definition begin to lose defining notion, so put another feather in your cap and come with me...

Life Print Level 3 (The Trisquangle):

All bets are off! Do you have any idea what going on here? cause i certaintly dont.

That is the true mystery of the trisquangle. You can see it, you can taste it, you can smell it, touch it, feel it, but danny glover forbid if you can taste it or see it. buddy, we operating on pure instinct alone. This is point where logic being to trick itself, and you find yourself starting to deconstruct curvy loop just to pray hope find single piece of taffy that dont exist in 8 dimensions! when this happen, i close my eyes and stare straigteht into the Bruncle. Bruncle-be good, Bruncle be true. Bruncle be me, and Bruncle be you!!! HAHAHA!!! see, Bruncle based jokes make me laugh myself into alternate future where laughter dont exist.

We're loosing you. I can feel the Bruncle pulling you in. That okay, bruncle okay. What color is bruncle? since you been looking at bruncle for about 2 minute already, you should know what color bruncle is. But that right, we both just remembered and will remember that time and knowledge don't exist past top of Dumbledore Castle. How do I know this and how can i know this? i know cause i don't know it, and this is true beauty of bruncle, as we find ourselves united in absolutinating paradoxythetical state of life being. Here where we find out truth that this is just internet site. there is no bruncle. There no meaning of meaning of life.....there is not even such thing as oxflop, or primbo9. I guess it was all for nothing. and iff all for nothing then what is meaning of meaning of life? Meaning of Meaning of Life is nothing. It mean nothing. i cant tell you how much filled with dissapointment. It all mean nothing. And if meaning of meaning of life mean nothing, then lets continue now that you've gotten that out of your system. You have no choice to but to accept my tricks and keep moving or else you'll get caught up living in castle made of past thought instead of building castle consisting of next second thought. If you let me think for you this far, dont be surprised when i lock you in cage and subject you to ruthless masturbation chamber. In game of Meaning, reader safety mean nothing and nothing mean everything to everyone except you. Why you not accept constant punishment for future disobedience? Did i not teach you lesson about beginning before beginning begins? Do you not understand that in world of true meaning of meaning of life, there is nothing left to obey? How dare you! I will make sure to be extra rough during your stay in the chamber, severity level infinite due to alpha-omega state of metaphysical mutiny. Once I'm done with you, you'll never know that I'm about to begin, which is really the point.

Has you been experience of infinite nothing? Can i get you rc cola or glass or 2 of puppet milk? We've finally reaching point where all waves break into larger wave of own becoming. Like origami paper unfolding to become the origomist, Tree branch branching off into tree branch branching off into fractal set repeating. Just as you get over the wall, you find out that wall was trying to get over you!! Just as you try to answer question, answer was already question in bigger game of Truth or Dare Jenga. look, you can never win. Which is important in figuring out ultimate loss you sustain in Life Print 4: The Meaning of Meaning Life Meaning.

Life Print Level 4 (Oborby):

Finally we get to final meaning of meaning of life meaning. The top of the pops, best of the best of the best, the bork of the spork, Jimmy's wet balloon. Why you come all this way....why you trust me even after extended stay in masturbation chamber? You curious like big jungle cat, that why. you want awnswers that you can't give yourslef since question just lead to other answer that you question again in endless game of boggle jr.

 HEre it is. I lied to you, and for that I am very sorry that you are easily believe my lies. And by now you should know that apology is only there to make me seem like I am caring individual, and for that I am very sorry. The truth of matter is.....we never left Horsechop 5. I keep tell you not to fall for back door pony prank! This is one thing I learn from Baraky Trombombo, he change everything on us so i change everything on you. Meaning of life is of one big decoy, greater than even horse conspricay, and rather expansive drain on cobra infinity general spirit. But it get even better. Rember this?

"...but just be warn that there no such thing as a free ride."

Yes that right, even decoy universe cost money. you think life meaning come free?? Ridiculous!! I have you down for infinity search for life meaning, which mean you owe obory, nosy greta and all the rest 43% of heartsmoke infinity. you have until before beginning of forever to pay me, or orbory will send stampede of horse and pony to come and rape tiny meaningless body.

Rember when I tell you that life is like giant curvy loop? Well in this case it actuarlly more like trisquangle, and you made classic mistake of looking directly at Bruncle. It just basic geogretry.

My Picks for A Golden Globe

Many people watch a golden globe.

Actors, Music Men, Science Guys, all True Champions compete in superdome to take over world. well let me tell you why right now, i dont think they deserve this whole planet....or even this whole country. this is biggest planet on earth, so why cover it in big piece of gold? What is even gold? If i cover myself in gold, do i become big planet? Its called The Great Mystery and nobody will ever know. What i do know is that such gold in globe should only given to man who undrstand superior logic of global finance, dog of wall st, curvy loop, jumanji picture, etc, etc, etc. Now, you may be say to yourself:

"Oh no, what is globe?"

Don't worry....i figure out magic globe for you. here are my picks for a owrldwide globes in gold contest:


When you were boy you thought he was just puppet grouch, but really he just small man who dress up like grouch. whenever i see oscar, he already covered in gold, so i think he would be perfect pick for cover whole planet in gold. ocsar is a tiny man, but his heart is very big and he care about me very much more than anyone else. he host his own show every year full of big cebrity like gorge, michael jodan, jimmy, and other who like ocar so much that they go into hot tub and drink martini with him. unfortunly, orcar win every show each year. if there are 1 or 2 things we know about cosar, its that he knows that showtime means a showtime! If somebody mean best picture, he'll draw you a very nice picture of a clown doing somersaults or of dennis the menace yanking on cat tail or something like that.


ewevrytime i see john cena, he always go: "cant you see me?"

i can see john cena almost everytime so his trick is working. being a trickman, or part of the trickster trade is very impotant part of movie business. sometime, a man like me or somebody be watching tv show when all of a sudden a man walk off the screen.

Where did he go?

i look behind  tv but hes nowhere to be found there. i look under bed and there only race car, lobster tail and things like that, but no tiny man from television. just when im abouit to break open tv to look for him he always come back and POP OUT and then i jump back and he go "I'm back! Im back! I'm back!" and i turn around in circles cause im so happy he didnt sneak into my room or kill my family.

in conclusion, this is why john cena aka Mr Muscles and would be skilled with gold globe which is in similarity to a golden wreslting belt, maybe 2 gold globe.

PICK #3: The Beatles

These Beatles are big band from London Kingdom and find it funny to make loud noises and are first ones to invented a stand that hold up microfone. world record for longerst hair are just among the many achievments that make them the greatest rolling stone of all time. since they win so many gold records, why not golden globe? Does Earth not spin like big record? Oi! Oi! Oi! Hit me with some of that good time jazz honk! Too loud for me to listen to so ive never heard them, but on a big world like a one made of gold, maybe it big enough that it wont be so loud anymore.

PICK #4: 12 Years A Slave

This was an extraordinarily powerful and visceral movie, one that that asks of us the important questions in life without beating us over the head with the cliche, emotional shortcuts that usually exist to undermine the depth of a story such as this. Steve McQueen's film, nominated for Best Drama, is based on the true story of Solomon Northup, a successful black businessman from New York State who is kidnapped and sold into slavery in the South but is eventually set free. This movie deserves to win not because of a lack of good competition, but because it is expertly crafted, possesses a wonderful sense of historical perspective (without getting too bogged down by it), and is executed by actors who sink perfectly into their roles. All of this comes together transcendentally, and takes the audience for a turbulent ride through 2013's best drama of the year. And what a ride it was. This movie deserves all of the praise it is getting, and deserves to be formally recognized for it's uncompromising tale of lives lost, freedoms gained, and unconditional love in a world under oppressive 19th century conditions.

PICK #5: The Yankees

The Yankess grab big stick and hit ball then other people run around while they chase ball and try to steal every base in stadium. If cant do that, then they blow yankee whistle and it time to jump into the crowd and hit women and children with baseball stick. this is called bunting, and it major reason why yankee game is only played by men with extended game plan. they sell popped corn, soda, nutmeg, and tiny bat that you can use at home to hit even your own ball...made of tinfoil, or maybe stick and paper clip from the rubbish pile in your backyard. they are the best at swinging The Big Stick, and they even get paid billion dollars for each ball they destroy. but if they get hit with ball then Uh OH! They die and masked man cartwheel onto field and scream "Get Out of Here!" "Get out of here!" "Get out of here!". then, that yankee never is to be seen again.

Where do he go? What happen to yankke?

I pick Yankee because they hit ball and ball is like globe so they are already experince enough for me of one made of gold i think. Cracker jacks, home field advantage, rah rah rah, big apples.....such things as these make boy into good yankee. yankee doodle is special type of yankee made of feathers and macoroni, but i'll include him because he team mascot.

PICK #6: The Yankee

I give the Yaknee 2 picks because if they miss the first ball then they're out, so i give them second globe just in case.

PICK #7: Chancellor Obama

Chancellor Barry Obadonna is tall dark man who was found playing baketball on court one day. joe biden come up to him one day and say:

"would you like to run economy and take over world?"

"Sure" he say. "As president i will make sure everybody change. nobody will ever be hungry. nobody will ever sleep. bear and bull market is pretty good, but i make sure men get around in horses instead of expensive magic box. Look at flag over there,...I even add one more color to it."

And just like that Chancellor Obby usher in new golden age of economic finance. one step from cover whole planet in gold, i believe. I even break into neighbor house and he come over and watch from the skies as i push their heads into swimming pool. Obobo is first gay president. he even have special task force that keep planet green, so why not him in charge of keeping planet made of gold? Obory is busy man, but even he have time to hide in my tv and watch me perform in mastrurbation chamber.

PICK #8: Cobra Infinity

Who is this? What's a Cobra Infinity? I am a Cobra Infinity and this is main site where i go into reviews and other ideas about what is the best golden globe. The reason i should win the globe is because i am the best actor of hollywood generation...better even than mr. hollywood himself. you may have heard gorge talk about me, or maybe you even have been to my web site, but i already made movie and even included some extra footage for dvd because i love my fans. 3d...4d....i shoot movie in all dimension so it dont matter what type of glasses you have on. 

most actors dont care about a little guy, but im different. ill go to your house even and shoot romance movie with you and wife right there, on the spot. im what's known as"The actors actor", which mean i act like im an actor. acting is just lying to lots of people, so instead of lying, i just tell the truth. Am i telling the truth? I'm not telling the truth. This is what's known as "Acting", and the actor's actor like me must only tell the truth if it involves lying about telling the truth. Actor is just like magician, and magical things happen during a light, camera, action.


8 Picks in 8 minutes, a speed read for all of you out there who don't have time to decide who should win for yourself. Don't worry, i can tell you all your opinion for you, so just go have a snack, go grab box of popcorn and enjoy the movie! i'll act like im right there in the room.

"hey i'm right there in the room" -Cobra Infinity

Did I actualy say that? Acting is like reading a book, except with pictures and globes.

How to Draw a Perfect Curvy Loop

In this article i will show to draw a perfect curvy loop, step by step, for it is the basis of all modern geography and at the tippy top of all leading science research.

Step 1: The Poet's Canvas

go to big color balloon on bottom left side of  screen and press it as hard as possible. there should be a sign that say something like "Lets Paint". take arrow and target the the sign so that it has no choice but to open for you:

(TIP OF THE TRADE: the device used to perform this magic is called a mouse, yes, but is the only animal on the face of the animal planet that is both animal and a computer.)

Step 2: Squaring Off

when poet canvas has been completed, step back and survey all of exit points.

Remember now, the mouse is living thing and needs to eat and drink soda just like any other rat so give place for a tiny cookie and rc cola. so now getting back to the brass tags, take your mouse, lift it, and place it on the screen where the square is located. program will try and load child porn, so be fast or else computer will reboot and you will lose all child photography and funny video tape. save your progess, then let computer cool down by pouring water or pink lemonade all over it:

Step 2: Trimming the Pancake

the first 2 steps were for beginners but after that much experience you should be ready for intermedate level geogragy. after drawing perfect square, find the corners...this particular software places both corner BETWEEN each of the sides. using a piece of cheese, lure the mouse up to the eraser and hit the mouse so that it is stunned. target all 4 or 5 corner now that you have control of main tool of destruction (called "electronic chainsaw" for a reason in computer hacking circles i run deep into (yahoo, google, etc you get the point)) until eliminated from your picture. so you should now have something, or you wont have something that will will somewhat look like this:

Step 3: Hop-step the Lasso

before this step would be a good time to get a soda pop or go shuffle cards with Fred to take a break from curvy loop. when you come back please leave the soda on another table because this part requires big amount of concentration, even concentration camp (you camp out, then you concentrate).

now remeber the erasies you left in each corner for step 2? we need to redraw something in its place or the lines will have no way to become curvy loop. we call this part "hop-stepping the lasso" and it is one of the most important developments in all 21st centurys . before you lassoed anything, be sure that to saved everything or else computer might try to steal it from you to send to another machine, due to Directive 5 by the Obama Administration. after saving, go from  each corner and hold down shift button to shift the odds in your favor. this puts you in good standings with job oppertunity to secure the lasso and begin hop-stepping with it, using the mouse to distract the program. when all is say and done, it should look exactly like this:

Step 4: Water into Wine

now we are getting into advanced string theory and deeper physics. it's called string theory because of how mouses like string, and their tail even kind of look like string. i undersatand if you cant keep up with everything but please follow my directions closely or else your loop will end up looking sloppy and might even leave you with an illegal violation on your records.

first click on the erasie and THIS time a window will come up that will ask you if you would like to install a virus.

Do NOT install!

 after you close the window, stop here. Go find a gypsy and have it put a spell on progam so it contains magic to scare and frighten the children. For every child in the room you tickle, the computer will award you an extra megabyte, or gigasquirt. Now gypsy will do the rest of the work, while you sit back and count your money. 1....2...3...4, and maybe more depending on The Joe Biden Iniciative. Put your feet up and relax...time enjoy your final monent because of fact that you could die during the next step so why not relax? feet up: spirits up.

Step 5:  Double Trobouble

here we are, the final step! but keep in mind that this is also the HARDEST step so you might want to take another soda break and let the mouse out get some exercise and air before taking its own life in service of Noble cause. How Noble? we'll get back to that.

now you might be looking at what you completed in step 4 or 3 and saying to yourself that it look like perfect curvy loop already? Why go any further? I am better than the best cumpoter programers alreeady, etc, etc. Listen, I know you are. But this also couldn't be further from the truth. what you made in the other step was curvy loop, yes, but it is not perfect yet. here is the last thing you have to do to make perfect.

click the balloon from STEP 1 and violently shake to open up another poet canvas. TWO poet canvas!! Can you belive it? Not a trick, real science at here in work at your own computer lab. Test tubes, mixing, microscopes, experiments, all of it can gets scientific so look at the periodic table and mix the first two elements that look like it would best spell out your name or names so the computer can identify you by all the liquid you're about to throw on it.

perform a business click on the lasso and hover down to the center of the screen where youre clone is standing. At this point the computer looks exactly like you, like looking into big ugly mirror.

 You now have 2 of everything! even 2 hands, so to cast dark magic clap both of your hands together and repeat after me:

"Old sailor....wiffle ball game.....ginger snaps, a bucket full of 1997 Original Air Jordan.......looop, did-a-deee LOOP! Mega Man Soccer."

A third computer should appear. Now the first computer is useless, throw it out. But keep the mouse, since it is impossible to clone live animal.

now hover over to box where it says "cut" and use mouse to cut it open with the rat teeth. Use your clone to double your vision, because now instead of one eye, you have 2 eye like double pirate on  2 ships.

move over the main canvas and hover over to the center of your curvy loop. mash the inside of it and then hover over to the button that says "paste". Here you must not only hit it with the the mouse, but you must do a business deal to secure the sequence and to prove to main program that you will not stand for any more tricks and gypsy balloon magic.

now the merging process will begin which should take about 30 or 40 or 125 minutes. when it is finished, a loud high pitched tone will erupt from your computer, signaling that your curvy loop has been completely perfected! if it is a low pitch, uh oh...time to get new computer! Obama is on his way, and the green shirts are already in position to rape tiny body.

Here's the final product:

Here is even a educational movie i made of this sequence to show you how hollywood or even gorge might direct this picture:

Movietime at the Hollywood Strip


Guess who's gonna be a star? i am going to be a not only a star but what some have called big time star because i have just gotten back from hollywood  and i can say without question that they have decided to put me in the next movie.

How do i know this? well that's hollywood baby!

i called hollywood and set up a meeting with him for coffee so we could talk about the project and featuring george clooney and or whether or not gorge could send me money in advance. because of so many fans calling, they hide his name in telephone booklet so i had to guess which one and luckily i guessed correctly. when he answered, i can tell hes been doing this since a long time ago because he was very good at acting! hollywood spoke to me the role in the next movie over the phone and read me my part which seems like it may seem difficult but i can do it, becuase otherwise i would not be talking to hollywood.

i play a man who answers the phone and has to talk to a lunatic, and he say that the person he talking to will be arrested for harrasment if he doesn't stop. it's aparently a very emotional role, one with alot of cursing so it will be nice to do adult movie and do something r rated that breaks away from normal jumanji formula. i tell him this is good and that we should meet up including gorge and get some coffee or milk so i can sign my deal to join hollywood. but he is to busy describing and acting role for me that he doesnt hear me so i just take down his adress so i can go there to talk person in person.

Thats hollywood baby!

i get my flight later that night out on jetplane so i can get there early and maybe meet every celbrity before meeting him so that i am already a movie star. i get into miami airport early satuday morning and i don't see any celebritys but this is normal becuse all the celbrities fly out of their own airport. besides, i'm not even there yet. i take my taxi out to hollywood, florida and let my journey begins!

i tell him to take me out to a club on the strip so i can talk to gorge and get him to go surprise hollywood with me. he asks me what strip, so i know he must be actor too. I say "the hot one baby!" and eventually we get there and he drops me off right inside the strip! only is this the strip?

Yes! Yes it is!

But no it isn't. i look up and i see sign that says playhouse gentlemen's club but nothing outside that is talking about the strip. i think he was too good of an actor because now i'm lost but i think maybe this is just movie set and my first hollywood try out. i decide i need to start smoking cigertetes because every singe good actor has smoked and i want to be great actor so i have to smoke at least 45 cigarete a day.

I walk into local store on and go over to shelves to see where they hid the cigaretes and if there are clue for leading me to The Real Strip. There it is, a clue! it says:

"Crest 3D Whitestrips"

First i just get to hollywood and now im already gonna be in 3d movie? wow this is hollywood baby! i pick it up to read more and it says on box:

"2 Hour Express, Noticibly Whiter Teeth in 2 hours!"

Oh no...the movie only starts in 2 hours! i was gonna at first get gorge and drink coffee with hollywood but now it looks like theres no time. Meanwhile, i almost forget that the hidden camera are already rolling on my tryouts to see if i am major star yet. Since i need to show action abilitys, I go and jump over the counter to do quick fight sequence with man, proving i can play tough guy even without cigerettes. He tries to pull out prop gun on me but i quickly pull it from him like indina jone and fire 3 blanks into his chest. POW! POW! POW? he makes acting like hurt which is funny and then the fake blood appear. Now i know why they say light camera action in holloywood!  i hope he is in movie because will nice to be working with someone i already have experience with.

So i take taxi out to hollywood's house so we can get dressed real quick, i can smoke all the cigarete stick, and take me to strip in time for filming. i knock on the door and a nice looking older lady appears. i ask her to speak to mr hollywood and she says that she is mrs. hollywood and that he is at work. Oh no, this means he is already at the strip? i do not want gorge to take my part! i am about to ask her how to get there but all of a sudden i see that her teeth are white and remeber big clue i found:

"Crest 3D "WHITE"strips!"

So Hollywood's house IS the strip.... this must mean we're already filming the movie! i immediately get into charecter becuase i realize this has to be love story. i tell her that since her husband not home that maybe we can have a glass of champagne or go to nice restaurant like whole foods. she says she would not like to do that in her most convincing tone. i turn around and then give heartfelt speech about how my bonerpole tingle the moment i was laying eyes on her and that one day during a sunset i will capture her to be my lady of the night every night forever. right out of godfather or other classic love story. She tries to shut the door but in movie i know that you cant shut door on love! so i force my way in and she tries to run. i also know in movie that you cannot run from love! i catch up to her and i can tell she is good actress because she is already begining to cry, which i know from experience is true sign that this charecter love me.

As im used to, her tears signal big sex scene so we strip off clothes and get to it making wet Transfer noises and doing hollywood film. sometime i pull my boner out and pop it toward the camera so that audience can experience a 3d boner like has never been done in 21st century cinema. when Transfer is finally complete and i feel Danny Glover's tickle, i hop out and shake her hand for such a good scene. I think this will be a good movie. i would have like to met hollywood or gorge but i think after this scene i might be too big star for them and they would be nervous. as i'm leaving i wave to the cameras so they have special footage for the dvd.

Whole Foods Restaurant Review

Hi, since i was just in town for big parade i thought i would stop by next day and do restaurant review for nice place Jimmy told about called Whole Foods. they specilize in meat and sometimes dairy or cereal so i figured hey why not give it a shot in term of eating berry and local cuizine.

DECOR: 3 out of 5

when i came into place i asked one of the waiter if they could pull up a table for me. He said they dont have any tables which i found odd for big restaurant. If i was george clooney, how would i eat whole foods famous sandwich? Walking with it on way to next movie set is not any option because the minute he turn around the extras will try and steal it. That's why, alot of you might not know this is why but he only makes movies with people he trusts and he hires all of the extras himself. so in conclusion, i wasn't impressed with that factor of this restaurant.

One thing i did like is that when i walked into restaurant the doors opened automatically like somebody was holding the door open for me but i didn't see any one. i checked and asked the manager why they had ghosts or ghoul but he denied it which almost made me leave right then and there. but then i realized it was almost halloween and gave him a jimmy wink then moved onto next part of my first restaurant experience.

SERVICE: 1 out of 5

This goes hand in hand with decor except it has more to do with respect and honor instead of making sure doors open nice. since there were no tables i expected that man would pick me up and bring me to The Ordering Station for a look at the meat and lobster slices. when i try to climb into tall man's basket he says something mean and runs away while leaving me no transportation basket for the next wave of events. I wonder how they even expect people to know whats on the menu when nobody will even lead you to the menu to know whats on it in the first place?

There were lots of men wearing green shirts which i liked and understood so i went up to them and complained about the baskets but they told me that they weren't Transportation Basket and that i just had to walk where I needed to go. another check minus on the list.

when i finally go through the maze and get to meat factory there is a long line of people so i cut my way through and ask them to see a menu while i wait. the rude jerk tells me that i have to wait my turn in line and just look at the menu on the wall. can you imagine? One menu for 8 people? That would be like one big chair for 8 people or a toothbrush that brushes 8 teeth. so far i'm not really seeing what jimmy sees in this place.

FOOD: 4 out of 5

As much the service isn't so good but boy is the food is amazing! I decided after rude man told me to go away that i should just grab the boxy food i found on the walls of the maze. there is more food ive ever seen in my whole life! People even came up to me and gave me whole metal cages full of food that i never asked for. at first i thought i would have to eat it where they left it but then i examined struclture of it and realized it had roly polys underneath where you can scoot it through rest of maze as you eat it.

So i was starting to realize how Whole Foods worked. you just take metal roly and eat as you go, avoilding the people who chase after you. i have to admit i enjoy a big bag of frozen spagettii stick but it even tasted better while i made it through the maze. Here's a list of some of the foods i ate at my meal:

-box of bread
-1 cracker
-3 bites of boloney
-tube of toothpaste with extra whitning sauce
-a yellow 1st birthday balloon
-rock candy
-chickin meat from the bone
-a chicken bone

i like how everything was eat at your own pace and i didnt know whole foods was like big buffet. what i didn't like was that after you stopped and ate your meal that the men and sometimes woman continued to yell at you. I think this has something to do with everybody being the first to eat everything and they win a big prize. I couldn't be sure though, because they all went over to talk to men in green shirts but i didnt see any prizes in their hands so i walked away.

BATHROOMS: 2 out of 5

Just like the service, I was very dissapppointed with how the bathrooms turned out. As i went in i realized first that there was already other man in there who already taking up my space. he was trying to hide in a big booth they had put up to spy on me, i know it because the men in green shirts first don't give me a prize and now they want to humiliate me in front of everyone. i wasn't going to let it happen.

So i go up to the booth and ask him to please stop and if he doesn't then i will have to call the police for an illegal violation. he says hes not doing anything which is making me become so heated because I can see him trying to get naked and get me into position for the Green Shirts.

I leap over the barricade and start dipping this man's head into the toilet until he is the one who is humiliated! he finally decide to stop after trying to breathe underwater which no man can do making him foolish for thinking he could be the first one. i don't know whats coming next so i decide to hide in the empy barricade next to it and make doody while i wait for green shirt to come in and rape me. but then i realize the lock is broken which leaves me with not to much defenses so i decide to just leave. on my way out i notice they do have small air blaster which looks like fun if youre food is too wet and you want to come in here and dry it. i think that's one reason reason jimmy likes this place so much because when his balloons get wet from rainstorm he can just come here and dry them too so knowing that makes bathroom experience better but not good.

OVERALL: 3 out of 5

While i like that this place had free food and unique eating setting, i did not like how waiters made 8 people share one menu and then not even offer you Transport Basket. the halloween ghosts were nice touch but i would have like to better treatment from the real waiters who are not ghosts! most of the food i had was greatest food i ever have except for the rock candy which i expected to taste more like rocks but it actually taste more like candy. the bathrooms were very dissapointing but at least they had fun machine to solve problems. as my first restaurant ive visited, I would recommend this place to some people but not everybody and if your a first time restaurant like me please be warned that there are no prizes.

Just got back from the big parade!

Guess where i just got back from? The big parade just came into town and guess who just won a free ticket in the local raffle? I think you know that it was me who won the free ticket and that where i just got back from was The Big Parade! everything I dreamed at since I was teeny boy was finally coming real and it was a True Champion's honor to experience this once in a lifetime annual event in person instead of using grandpop's old radio to listen to big parade like on every other year. he's not with us anymore so this is last memory i have of him but i don't need it anymore since i have more valuable new memories such as memories i made at big parade.

Like you'd expect, all the regulars were there and there were even some new surprises thrown in such as bigger Horse Machine and even new Jumanji sneak peekaboo that reveal some of the upcoming secrets (I won't spoil them already but needless to say, there might be two or maybe 3 robin wilam). There are really just so much to get through and my head spinning by the end, but fortunely I took notes on my bookberry to make online report. Luckily it didn't rain or else my bookberry wouldve gone bad or maybe even it could've exploded.

12:00 - I got into The Main Square around 12 or 3:45 and parked across the street from Jimmy's where they had the annual Big Sale on Small Balloons that I've only heard about it but never read about in major magazines for some reason? Anyway, Jimmy was very nice and friendly and I got a horse balloon from him by handing him some money i had in my pocket and then he gave me the balloon. iI wasn't sure if it would be enough but he reassured me that counted the money twice and everything was there that he expected to be there so we shared a laugh about it and i went on my way. i could tell as Jimmy gave me a wink as i left that this was going to be an interesting day!

12:05 - There was a man cutting his lawn on the way up to The Square so I offered to help but he probably didn't hear me because his lawnmower was really loud. I offered to buy him a little quiter lawnmower but he didn't hear that either so finally i just walked away. I understand that some people just want to be left alone but there's really no need to be so rude about it. my day that started off great suddenly seemed like it was all falling apart but luckily i looked down at my horse balloon and laughed so then i felt better about everything. 

12:45 - Where's the parade? I've been walking for about 2 hours and i don't see anything at all. no houses, no trees, no anything. I was about to turn around but then I saw jimmy again and realized i'd just been making left turns the whole time, which jimmy told me will keep bringing you back to the same spot. he seems like a smart man. we had another laugh about it but he didn't find it as funny as i did for some reason. 

1:00 - Ba-da-da-DUMMM!!!! Finally, I make it to big parade but i'm too tired to walk anymore so i grab a slice of fried cheese and i go to go sit down on Weckleman's Bench, which of course was decorated parade style with the long dreadlocks and Our Town Leader on the front. i felt like it was too nice to sit on so i sat on the ground instead and ate my fried cheese. i give the fried cheese an A- because while it was the greatest meal i've ever had i was still a little greasy which i didn't like. i went to go look for some napkins now i had some cheese in my system to give me strength for the upcoming Noblemaen's March.

1:02 - I go up to an old man and wipe my hands on his pants. He winks at me just like Jimmy. Oh well, i guess the parade just does that to people.

1:25 - A lot more people have started showing up! Luckily this is an outdoor parade not an indoor parade or else not everybody would be able to fit. Like me, almost everybody is wearing the standard mustard yellow t-shirts with the big green square on the front to symbolize The Main Square where the parade takes place. One man had a rhombus instead of a sqare so I had to explain to him why a square is not always rhomus but rhomus is always a square. He agreed with me and asked me my name and I abruptly walked away because he has no right to ask me that. I walk to the other side of the square to get away from the weird man and smell the free markers they're handing out.

1:27 - They of course have green and mustard yellow so I choose green and it smells like a baseball dugout. i put it in my pocket to save it for later.

1:45 - First Group Event of the day! There's a large tickle party in The Center which i've only heard stories about it but, look at this, now i'm the one who's telling you the stories! It was fantastic  and the kids go wild wild when I play Mr. Piggly Wiggly and go Oinky Tail with them. I was a newcomer but my dad dad taught me all of the tricks so I felt like a pro the minute i stepped in. I see mr. rhomus at one point and pull him aside and make him smell the marker i have in my pocket. he struggles and tried to get away but he cant get away and all the kids stop and laugh at him while i pin him to the ground and brush his teeth with the marker as he starts to cry. "Still wanna know my name?" I say. he doesn't answer because he has a marker in his mouth. I let him get up and then i introduce myself and we have a good laugh about it but he doesn't find it as funny as i do. we start tickling each other and now he's my best friend.

2:10 - Woo boy! so tickled out at this point that i just grab a spot under the tent and take pony nap with the rest of the kids for about 17 minutes. when i wake up i feel like new man but then i notice all of the kids are gone and look over and see that they're all waddling over to the podium. has Our Town Leader arrived?

2:11 - Yes! Yes, he has arrived!

2:15 - I hurry over quickly and actually find a spot near the medium front! Luckily I'm not the last one over there so i don't suffer the public humiliation of Last Man's Regret. Lets just say that when the Last Man did arrive he would not soon forget the smell of markers. Anyway, Town Leader makes his entrence and boy do we go into a frenzy! of course, he has no face so he cant see us winking but he can hear everything and i'm pretty sure he turned his head in my general direction! as everything settles down we can tell from his head movements that it is ready to begin.

2:30 - We all take our positions and begin The Noblemaen's March. As the women see us coming down the street they quickly try and flee but what they don't know is that Our Town Leader has set up nets this year. He is an intelligent Leader and I am glad to have him in control of Our Destiny and  more than pleased to serve him as he serves Our General Spirit. I come across compatible Transfer Subject and the chase begins. As I corner and pin her I realize that she is fiesty Subject, one of my more memorable encounters. She attempt to escape but this lady know that she is bound by the simple Law of Horse Economics. As her weaker Spirit is submerged into mine, I feel the very tickle of Danny Glover himself on the tip of my Receiver!

2:45 - At this point I know that I have successfully committed transfer so i use my marker to mark her forehead with The Noblemaen's Square, of course letting the others know this Subject has already been used. I release her and it's at this point that i look up and see Jimmy, who's in the middle of Transfer himself. He looks up and we lock eyes for a moment. we both have a laugh and this time he seems to find it just as funny as i do.

3:00 - The pictures of The March take about 15 minutes or so to develop but when they do come out great! Whereas she will be trying to repress this memory for the rest of her life, i now have picture that will remind meof memory for rest of my life! Also the face-scanning technology give me all of her identification information in case i ever want to engage in Repeat Transfer. One of my pictures was actually good enough to make in onto town projector, which almost made me tear up for great respect to Our Town Leader and rich public course of our Noblemaen Heritage (with all repect to the Gentlesirs, it is blasphemy for such a Noble event to enjoyed in private).

4:00 - By now all the goofing and the donkeyplay has settled down and us Noblemaen are starting to get tired. We all gather around the projector and they show us a sneak peekaboo of Jumanji 3-D which is documentary about the making of Jumanji in 3-D. lots of rope swings and this time robin wilims has monkey tail? i dont know i've never seen a 3-D or even a 2-D movie so everything was little hard to understand.

5:00 - Well i would call this a great day, friends. i had a tickle party, ate some fried cheese, got a new marker, and met a funny nice old man name Jimmy. It time to go home and take bath then go hit the chat rooms and call it a night. My only regret is that I didn't buy 2 tiny horse balloons. Goodbye and I will be posting pictures of everything on Cobra Infintiy when I get back.

Thank you to bookberry for making this log possible and to Our Town Leader for Big Parade.

Pictures from the event:

Small donkey and baby taking pony nap on the grass
Tiny horse balloon from Jimmy
Our Town Leader in the flesh
The Green Square. Those who oppose it don't know it, so says OTL.
Fried cheese i ate before i ate it
Same horse balloon from jimmy but i wanted to show you what it would look like if I had two.
i don't remeber taking this

How is a rhombus different than a square?

Recently, as of lately, ive been getting alot of email for asking me this question:

“Hows the difference between a rhombus and a square?”

-Bill Barnbaque, Hepfieldings, MR

A lot! I can tell you that Bill Barnbaque you are asking a very good and frequent question of me, one that may not satisfy immediately but has to it a an answer for this question that is science-oriented and an interesting read if you would like to bear with me while I give you The Rundown:

The Rundown:

1) Cap and Trade is destroying jobs whether in the jobs sector of the private economy

2) When people measure things, often sometimes they forget that they might not be even using the tools that are right for the thing that they were originally setting out to measure for!

3) A square is not always a rhomus, but a rhomus is always a square.

4) Tilt is an Unmeasurable Parameter and should be accounted for the way that one would account for wind or air beatles.

5) 3 strikes, your out!

Okay Bill, so now that I gave you The Rundown, lets look at some visual examples that you can see the rhomus in action functioning very different than if it were're not a rhomus but a sqaure and how they are different:

Okay, above I drew an example of a perfect square and how it would look if you were to encounter it when at the post office or big parade. Be careful because if you don't measure right it will end up with no sides! Give up yet? Hang in there, advanced geometry takes a few years to digest, I don't expect everybody to learn at the same pace because we all have different speed that we have learning abilities at for getting all of the right information and, again, nobody gets it the first time! (except maybe me, lol)

Now here's where it gets tricky. Above is rhomus...the one you all were asking me about it! Do you see that little area I threw in a curvy marked Pancake Corner? That is what's know as the "Pancake Corner" and it is pretty much the foundation of your house if I was to compare building a house to a rhomus. This area is always 40 degrees or more when constructing this edge, and this is usually where people get screwed up.

Notice any difference between the two?











Give up?

There is NO difference! Remember when I said:

3 )A square is not always a rhomus, but a rhomus is always a square.

This was a test to see more of youre reading comprehension skill more so than for having learn a good eye for rhomus/square. When you skip a few words, look what happens!

Bill, Mr. Barnbeque, however you say it correctly, did I scare you? Fright is an important lesson in geography because if you can learn while afraid, you can learn when anything.