How to Draw a Perfect Curvy Loop

In this article i will show to draw a perfect curvy loop, step by step, for it is the basis of all modern geography and at the tippy top of all leading science research.

Step 1: The Poet's Canvas

go to big color balloon on bottom left side of  screen and press it as hard as possible. there should be a sign that say something like "Lets Paint". take arrow and target the the sign so that it has no choice but to open for you:

(TIP OF THE TRADE: the device used to perform this magic is called a mouse, yes, but is the only animal on the face of the animal planet that is both animal and a computer.)

Step 2: Squaring Off

when poet canvas has been completed, step back and survey all of exit points.

Remember now, the mouse is living thing and needs to eat and drink soda just like any other rat so give place for a tiny cookie and rc cola. so now getting back to the brass tags, take your mouse, lift it, and place it on the screen where the square is located. program will try and load child porn, so be fast or else computer will reboot and you will lose all child photography and funny video tape. save your progess, then let computer cool down by pouring water or pink lemonade all over it:

Step 2: Trimming the Pancake

the first 2 steps were for beginners but after that much experience you should be ready for intermedate level geogragy. after drawing perfect square, find the corners...this particular software places both corner BETWEEN each of the sides. using a piece of cheese, lure the mouse up to the eraser and hit the mouse so that it is stunned. target all 4 or 5 corner now that you have control of main tool of destruction (called "electronic chainsaw" for a reason in computer hacking circles i run deep into (yahoo, google, etc you get the point)) until eliminated from your picture. so you should now have something, or you wont have something that will will somewhat look like this:

Step 3: Hop-step the Lasso

before this step would be a good time to get a soda pop or go shuffle cards with Fred to take a break from curvy loop. when you come back please leave the soda on another table because this part requires big amount of concentration, even concentration camp (you camp out, then you concentrate).

now remeber the erasies you left in each corner for step 2? we need to redraw something in its place or the lines will have no way to become curvy loop. we call this part "hop-stepping the lasso" and it is one of the most important developments in all 21st centurys . before you lassoed anything, be sure that to saved everything or else computer might try to steal it from you to send to another machine, due to Directive 5 by the Obama Administration. after saving, go from  each corner and hold down shift button to shift the odds in your favor. this puts you in good standings with job oppertunity to secure the lasso and begin hop-stepping with it, using the mouse to distract the program. when all is say and done, it should look exactly like this:

Step 4: Water into Wine

now we are getting into advanced string theory and deeper physics. it's called string theory because of how mouses like string, and their tail even kind of look like string. i undersatand if you cant keep up with everything but please follow my directions closely or else your loop will end up looking sloppy and might even leave you with an illegal violation on your records.

first click on the erasie and THIS time a window will come up that will ask you if you would like to install a virus.

Do NOT install!

 after you close the window, stop here. Go find a gypsy and have it put a spell on progam so it contains magic to scare and frighten the children. For every child in the room you tickle, the computer will award you an extra megabyte, or gigasquirt. Now gypsy will do the rest of the work, while you sit back and count your money. 1....2...3...4, and maybe more depending on The Joe Biden Iniciative. Put your feet up and relax...time enjoy your final monent because of fact that you could die during the next step so why not relax? feet up: spirits up.

Step 5:  Double Trobouble

here we are, the final step! but keep in mind that this is also the HARDEST step so you might want to take another soda break and let the mouse out get some exercise and air before taking its own life in service of Noble cause. How Noble? we'll get back to that.

now you might be looking at what you completed in step 4 or 3 and saying to yourself that it look like perfect curvy loop already? Why go any further? I am better than the best cumpoter programers alreeady, etc, etc. Listen, I know you are. But this also couldn't be further from the truth. what you made in the other step was curvy loop, yes, but it is not perfect yet. here is the last thing you have to do to make perfect.

click the balloon from STEP 1 and violently shake to open up another poet canvas. TWO poet canvas!! Can you belive it? Not a trick, real science at here in work at your own computer lab. Test tubes, mixing, microscopes, experiments, all of it can gets scientific so look at the periodic table and mix the first two elements that look like it would best spell out your name or names so the computer can identify you by all the liquid you're about to throw on it.

perform a business click on the lasso and hover down to the center of the screen where youre clone is standing. At this point the computer looks exactly like you, like looking into big ugly mirror.

 You now have 2 of everything! even 2 hands, so to cast dark magic clap both of your hands together and repeat after me:

"Old sailor....wiffle ball game.....ginger snaps, a bucket full of 1997 Original Air Jordan.......looop, did-a-deee LOOP! Mega Man Soccer."

A third computer should appear. Now the first computer is useless, throw it out. But keep the mouse, since it is impossible to clone live animal.

now hover over to box where it says "cut" and use mouse to cut it open with the rat teeth. Use your clone to double your vision, because now instead of one eye, you have 2 eye like double pirate on  2 ships.

move over the main canvas and hover over to the center of your curvy loop. mash the inside of it and then hover over to the button that says "paste". Here you must not only hit it with the the mouse, but you must do a business deal to secure the sequence and to prove to main program that you will not stand for any more tricks and gypsy balloon magic.

now the merging process will begin which should take about 30 or 40 or 125 minutes. when it is finished, a loud high pitched tone will erupt from your computer, signaling that your curvy loop has been completely perfected! if it is a low pitch, uh oh...time to get new computer! Obama is on his way, and the green shirts are already in position to rape tiny body.

Here's the final product:

Here is even a educational movie i made of this sequence to show you how hollywood or even gorge might direct this picture:

Movietime at the Hollywood Strip!

Guess who's gonna be a star? i am going to be a not only a star but what some have called big time star because i have just gotten back from hollywood  and i can say without question that they have decided to put me in the next movie.

How do i know this? well that's hollywood baby!

i called hollywood and set up a meeting with him for coffee so we could talk about the project and featuring george clooney and or whether or not gorge could send me money in advance. because of so many fans calling, they hide his name in telephone booklet so i had to guess which one and luckily i guessed correctly. when he answered, i can tell hes been doing this since a long time ago because he was very good at acting! hollywood spoke to me the role in the next movie over the phone and read me my part which seems like it may seem difficult but i can do it, becuase otherwise i would not be talking to hollywood.

i play a man who answers the phone and has to talk to a lunatic, and he say that the person he talking to will be arrested for harrasment if he doesn't stop. it's aparently a very emotional role, one with alot of cursing so it will be nice to do adult movie and do something r rated that breaks away from normal jumanji formula. i tell him this is good and that we should meet up including gorge and get some coffee or milk so i can sign my deal to join hollywood. but he is to busy describing and acting role for me that he doesnt hear me so i just take down his adress so i can go there to talk person in person.

Thats hollywood baby!

i get my flight later that night out on jetplane so i can get there early and maybe meet every celbrity before meeting him so that i am already a movie star. i get into miami airport early satuday morning and i don't see any celebritys but this is normal becuse all the celbrities fly out of their own airport. besides, i'm not even there yet. i take my taxi out to hollywood, florida and let my journey begins!

i tell him to take me out to a club on the strip so i can talk to gorge and get him to go surprise hollywood with me. he asks me what strip, so i know he must be actor too. I say "the hot one baby!" and eventually we get there and he drops me off right inside the strip! only is this the strip?

Yes! Yes it is!

But no it isn't. i look up and i see sign that says playhouse gentlemen's club but nothing outside that is talking about the strip. i think he was too good of an actor because now i'm lost but i think maybe this is just movie set and my first hollywood try out. i decide i need to start smoking cigertetes because every singe good actor has smoked and i want to be great actor so i have to smoke at least 45 cigarete a day.

I walk into local store on and go over to shelves to see where they hid the cigaretes and if there are clue for leading me to The Real Strip. There it is, a clue! it says:

"Crest 3D Whitestrips"

First i just get to hollywood and now im already gonna be in 3d movie? wow this is hollywood baby! i pick it up to read more and it says on box:

"2 Hour Express, Noticibly Whiter Teeth in 2 hours!"

Oh no...the movie only starts in 2 hours! i was gonna at first get gorge and drink coffee with hollywood but now it looks like theres no time. Meanwhile, i almost forget that the hidden camera are already rolling on my tryouts to see if i am major star yet. Since i need to show action abilitys, I go and jump over the counter to do quick fight sequence with man, proving i can play tough guy even without cigerettes. He tries to pull out prop gun on me but i quickly pull it from him like indina jone and fire 3 blanks into his chest. POW! POW! POW? he makes acting like hurt which is funny and then the fake blood appear. Now i know why they say light camera action in holloywood!  i hope he is in movie because will nice to be working with someone i already have experience with.

So i take taxi out to hollywood's house so we can get dressed real quick, i can smoke all the cigarete stick, and take me to strip in time for filming. i knock on the door and a nice looking older lady appears. i ask her to speak to mr hollywood and she says that she is mrs. hollywood and that he is at work. Oh no, this means he is already at the strip? i do not want gorge to take my part! i am about to ask her how to get there but all of a sudden i see that her teeth are white and remeber big clue i found:

"Crest 3D "WHITE"strips!"

So Hollywood's house IS the strip.... this must mean we're already filming the movie! i immediately get into charecter becuase i realize this has to be love story. i tell her that since her husband not home that maybe we can have a glass of champagne or go to nice restaurant like whole foods. she says she would not like to do that in her most convincing tone. i turn around and then give heartfelt speech about how my bonerpole tingle the moment i was laying eyes on her and that one day during a sunset i will capture her to be my lady of the night every night forever. right out of godfather or other classic love story. She tries to shut the door but in movie i know that you cant shut door on love! so i force my way in and she tries to run. i also know in movie that you cannot run from love! i catch up to her and i can tell she is good actress because she is already begining to cry, which i know from experience is true sign that this charecter love me.

As im used to, her tears signal big sex scene so we strip off clothes and get to it making wet Transfer noises and doing hollywood film. sometime i pull my boner out and pop it toward the camera so that audience can experience a 3d boner like has never been done in 21st century cinema. when Transfer is finally complete and i feel Danny Glover's tickle, i hop out and shake her hand for such a good scene. I think this will be a good movie. i would have like to met hollywood or gorge but i think after this scene i might be too big star for them and they would be nervous. as i'm leaving i wave to the cameras so they have special footage for the dvd.

Whole Foods Restaurant Review

Hi, since i was just in town for big parade i thought i would stop by next day and do restaurant review for nice place Jimmy told about called Whole Foods. they specilize in meat and sometimes dairy or cereal so i figured hey why not give it a shot in term of eating berry and local cuizine.

DECOR: 3 out of 5

when i came into place i asked one of the waiter if they could pull up a table for me. He said they dont have any tables which i found odd for big restaurant. If i was george clooney, how would i eat whole foods famous sandwich? Walking with it on way to next movie set is not any option because the minute he turn around the extras will try and steal it. That's why, alot of you might not know this is why but he only makes movies with people he trusts and he hires all of the extras himself. so in conclusion, i wasn't impressed with that factor of this restaurant.

One thing i did like is that when i walked into restaurant the doors opened automatically like somebody was holding the door open for me but i didn't see any one. i checked and asked the manager why they had ghosts or ghoul but he denied it which almost made me leave right then and there. but then i realized it was almost halloween and gave him a jimmy wink then moved onto next part of my first restaurant experience.

SERVICE: 1 out of 5

This goes hand in hand with decor except it has more to do with respect and honor instead of making sure doors open nice. since there were no tables i expected that man would pick me up and bring me to The Ordering Station for a look at the meat and lobster slices. when i try to climb into tall man's basket he says something mean and runs away while leaving me no transportation basket for the next wave of events. I wonder how they even expect people to know whats on the menu when nobody will even lead you to the menu to know whats on it in the first place?

There were lots of men wearing green shirts which i liked and understood so i went up to them and complained about the baskets but they told me that they weren't Transportation Basket and that i just had to walk where I needed to go. another check minus on the list.

when i finally go through the maze and get to meat factory there is a long line of people so i cut my way through and ask them to see a menu while i wait. the rude jerk tells me that i have to wait my turn in line and just look at the menu on the wall. can you imagine? One menu for 8 people? That would be like one big chair for 8 people or a toothbrush that brushes 8 teeth. so far i'm not really seeing what jimmy sees in this place.

FOOD: 4 out of 5

As much the service isn't so good but boy is the food is amazing! I decided after rude man told me to go away that i should just grab the boxy food i found on the walls of the maze. there is more food ive ever seen in my whole life! People even came up to me and gave me whole metal cages full of food that i never asked for. at first i thought i would have to eat it where they left it but then i examined struclture of it and realized it had roly polys underneath where you can scoot it through rest of maze as you eat it.

So i was starting to realize how Whole Foods worked. you just take metal roly and eat as you go, avoilding the people who chase after you. i have to admit i enjoy a big bag of frozen spagettii stick but it even tasted better while i made it through the maze. Here's a list of some of the foods i ate at my meal:

-box of bread
-1 cracker
-3 bites of boloney
-tube of toothpaste with extra whitning sauce
-a yellow 1st birthday balloon
-rock candy
-chickin meat from the bone
-a chicken bone

i like how everything was eat at your own pace and i didnt know whole foods was like big buffet. what i didn't like was that after you stopped and ate your meal that the men and sometimes woman continued to yell at you. I think this has something to do with everybody being the first to eat everything and they win a big prize. I couldn't be sure though, because they all went over to talk to men in green shirts but i didnt see any prizes in their hands so i walked away.

BATHROOMS: 2 out of 5

Just like the service, I was very dissapppointed with how the bathrooms turned out. As i went in i realized first that there was already other man in there who already taking up my space. he was trying to hide in a big booth they had put up to spy on me, i know it because the men in green shirts first don't give me a prize and now they want to humiliate me in front of everyone. i wasn't going to let it happen.

So i go up to the booth and ask him to please stop and if he doesn't then i will have to call the police for an illegal violation. he says hes not doing anything which is making me become so heated because I can see him trying to get naked and get me into position for the Green Shirts.

I leap over the barricade and start dipping this man's head into the toilet until he is the one who is humiliated! he finally decide to stop after trying to breathe underwater which no man can do making him foolish for thinking he could be the first one. i don't know whats coming next so i decide to hide in the empy barricade next to it and make doody while i wait for green shirt to come in and rape me. but then i realize the lock is broken which leaves me with not to much defenses so i decide to just leave. on my way out i notice they do have small air blaster which looks like fun if youre food is too wet and you want to come in here and dry it. i think that's one reason reason jimmy likes this place so much because when his balloons get wet from rainstorm he can just come here and dry them too so knowing that makes bathroom experience better but not good.

OVERALL: 3 out of 5

While i like that this place had free food and unique eating setting, i did not like how waiters made 8 people share one menu and then not even offer you Transport Basket. the halloween ghosts were nice touch but i would have like to better treatment from the real waiters who are not ghosts! most of the food i had was greatest food i ever have except for the rock candy which i expected to taste more like rocks but it actually taste more like candy. the bathrooms were very dissapointing but at least they had fun machine to solve problems. as my first restaurant ive visited, I would recommend this place to some people but not everybody and if your a first time restaurant like me please be warned that there are no prizes.

Just got back from the big parade!

Guess where i just got back from? The big parade just came into town and guess who just won a free ticket in the local raffle? I think you know that it was me who won the free ticket and that where i just got back from was The Big Parade! everything I dreamed at since I was teeny boy was finally coming real and it was a True Champion's honor to experience this once in a lifetime annual event in person instead of using grandpop's old radio to listen to big parade like on every other year. he's not with us anymore so this is last memory i have of him but i don't need it anymore since i have more valuable new memories such as memories i made at big parade.

Like you'd expect, all the regulars were there and there were even some new surprises thrown in such as bigger Horse Machine and even new Jumanji sneak peekaboo that reveal some of the upcoming secrets (I won't spoil them already but needless to say, there might be two or maybe 3 robin wilam). There are really just so much to get through and my head spinning by the end, but fortunely I took notes on my bookberry to make online report. Luckily it didn't rain or else my bookberry wouldve gone bad or maybe even it could've exploded.

12:00 - I got into The Main Square around 12 or 3:45 and parked across the street from Jimmy's where they had the annual Big Sale on Small Balloons that I've only heard about it but never read about in major magazines for some reason? Anyway, Jimmy was very nice and friendly and I got a horse balloon from him by handing him some money i had in my pocket and then he gave me the balloon. iI wasn't sure if it would be enough but he reassured me that counted the money twice and everything was there that he expected to be there so we shared a laugh about it and i went on my way. i could tell as Jimmy gave me a wink as i left that this was going to be an interesting day!

12:05 - There was a man cutting his lawn on the way up to The Square so I offered to help but he probably didn't hear me because his lawnmower was really loud. I offered to buy him a little quiter lawnmower but he didn't hear that either so finally i just walked away. I understand that some people just want to be left alone but there's really no need to be so rude about it. my day that started off great suddenly seemed like it was all falling apart but luckily i looked down at my horse balloon and laughed so then i felt better about everything. 

12:45 - Where's the parade? I've been walking for about 2 hours and i don't see anything at all. no houses, no trees, no anything. I was about to turn around but then I saw jimmy again and realized i'd just been making left turns the whole time, which jimmy told me will keep bringing you back to the same spot. he seems like a smart man. we had another laugh about it but he didn't find it as funny as i did for some reason. 

1:00 - Ba-da-da-DUMMM!!!! Finally, I make it to big parade but i'm too tired to walk anymore so i grab a slice of fried cheese and i go to go sit down on Weckleman's Bench, which of course was decorated parade style with the long dreadlocks and Our Town Leader on the front. i felt like it was too nice to sit on so i sat on the ground instead and ate my fried cheese. i give the fried cheese an A- because while it was the greatest meal i've ever had i was still a little greasy which i didn't like. i went to go look for some napkins now i had some cheese in my system to give me strength for the upcoming Noblemaen's March.

1:02 - I go up to an old man and wipe my hands on his pants. He winks at me just like Jimmy. Oh well, i guess the parade just does that to people.

1:25 - A lot more people have started showing up! Luckily this is an outdoor parade not an indoor parade or else not everybody would be able to fit. Like me, almost everybody is wearing the standard mustard yellow t-shirts with the big green square on the front to symbolize The Main Square where the parade takes place. One man had a rhombus instead of a sqare so I had to explain to him why a square is not always rhomus but rhomus is always a square. He agreed with me and asked me my name and I abruptly walked away because he has no right to ask me that. I walk to the other side of the square to get away from the weird man and smell the free markers they're handing out.

1:27 - They of course have green and mustard yellow so I choose green and it smells like a baseball dugout. i put it in my pocket to save it for later.

1:45 - First Group Event of the day! There's a large tickle party in The Center which i've only heard stories about it but, look at this, now i'm the one who's telling you the stories! It was fantastic  and the kids go wild wild when I play Mr. Piggly Wiggly and go Oinky Tail with them. I was a newcomer but my dad dad taught me all of the tricks so I felt like a pro the minute i stepped in. I see mr. rhomus at one point and pull him aside and make him smell the marker i have in my pocket. he struggles and tried to get away but he cant get away and all the kids stop and laugh at him while i pin him to the ground and brush his teeth with the marker as he starts to cry. "Still wanna know my name?" I say. he doesn't answer because he has a marker in his mouth. I let him get up and then i introduce myself and we have a good laugh about it but he doesn't find it as funny as i do. we start tickling each other and now he's my best friend.

2:10 - Woo boy! so tickled out at this point that i just grab a spot under the tent and take pony nap with the rest of the kids for about 17 minutes. when i wake up i feel like new man but then i notice all of the kids are gone and look over and see that they're all waddling over to the podium. has Our Town Leader arrived?

2:11 - Yes! Yes, he has arrived!

2:15 - I hurry over quickly and actually find a spot near the medium front! Luckily I'm not the last one over there so i don't suffer the public humiliation of Last Man's Regret. Lets just say that when the Last Man did arrive he would not soon forget the smell of markers. Anyway, Town Leader makes his entrence and boy do we go into a frenzy! of course, he has no face so he cant see us winking but he can hear everything and i'm pretty sure he turned his head in my general direction! as everything settles down we can tell from his head movements that it is ready to begin.

2:30 - We all take our positions and begin The Noblemaen's March. As the women see us coming down the street they quickly try and flee but what they don't know is that Our Town Leader has set up nets this year. He is an intelligent Leader and I am glad to have him in control of Our Destiny and  more than pleased to serve him as he serves Our General Spirit. I come across compatible Transfer Subject and the chase begins. As I corner and pin her I realize that she is fiesty Subject, one of my more memorable encounters. She attempt to escape but this lady know that she is bound by the simple Law of Horse Economics. As her weaker Spirit is submerged into mine, I feel the very tickle of Danny Glover himself on the tip of my Receiver!

2:45 - At this point I know that I have successfully committed transfer so i use my marker to mark her forehead with The Noblemaen's Square, of course letting the others know this Subject has already been used. I release her and it's at this point that i look up and see Jimmy, who's in the middle of Transfer himself. He looks up and we lock eyes for a moment. we both have a laugh and this time he seems to find it just as funny as i do.

3:00 - The pictures of The March take about 15 minutes or so to develop but when they do come out great! Whereas she will be trying to repress this memory for the rest of her life, i now have picture that will remind meof memory for rest of my life! Also the face-scanning technology give me all of her identification information in case i ever want to engage in Repeat Transfer. One of my pictures was actually good enough to make in onto town projector, which almost made me tear up for great respect to Our Town Leader and rich public course of our Noblemaen Heritage (with all repect to the Gentlesirs, it is blasphemy for such a Noble event to enjoyed in private).

4:00 - By now all the goofing and the donkeyplay has settled down and us Noblemaen are starting to get tired. We all gather around the projector and they show us a sneak peekaboo of Jumanji 3-D which is documentary about the making of Jumanji in 3-D. lots of rope swings and this time robin wilims has monkey tail? i dont know i've never seen a 3-D or even a 2-D movie so everything was little hard to understand.

5:00 - Well i would call this a great day, friends. i had a tickle party, ate some fried cheese, got a new marker, and met a funny nice old man name Jimmy. It time to go home and take bath then go hit the chat rooms and call it a night. My only regret is that I didn't buy 2 tiny horse balloons. Goodbye and I will be posting pictures of everything on Cobra Infintiy when I get back.

Thank you to bookberry for making this log possible and to Our Town Leader for Big Parade.

Pictures from the event:

Small donkey and baby taking pony nap on the grass
Tiny horse balloon from Jimmy
Our Town Leader in the flesh
The Green Square. Those who oppose it don't know it, so says OTL.
Fried cheese i ate before i ate it
Same horse balloon from jimmy but i wanted to show you what it would look like if I had two.
i don't remeber taking this